80% of pastors believe the pastoral ministry has negatively affected their families (Life Enrichment Ministries – 1998)
40% reported serious conflict with a parishioner at least once a month (Fuller Institute of Church Growth – 1991)
Shocking! And even more shocking that the above statistics are 10-13 years old. The situation is worse to day. I recall a seminary professor recently claiming that for every new minister beginning ministry, five step out of ministry permanently every year! Are you kidding me? This is absurd. Something has to change….and soon!
I have been in vocational ministry for almost 20 years. And I am saddened to say that I have witnessed dysfunction in every church I’ve served in. Now, we’ve all experienced hurts in the church at one time or another. There is a huge difference, however, between a church member leaving and a pastor leaving. The difference is this: partnering with and supporting the church one attends vs. having a God-ordained call to grow and lead a particular church body. Below are what I believe to be some of the leading reasons pastors leave churches…and eventually the ministry altogether.
1. The church (unintentionally) places its pastors on pedestals. Now, I’m not saying that we should not express gratitude and appreciation. Our ministers absolutely need the hugs, thank you cards, occasional gifts, and praises. They also need Godly accountability, correction, and guidance from individuals who truly love them. Thinking that your pastor can do no wrong is the catalyst toward the death of a church!
2. Conflict is either never dealt with, or it is not handled biblically. My wife and I once made and appointment with our Pastor to discuss some concerns we had with gossip growing in many of the church’s small groups. After we had talked, he leaned across his desk and whispered, “If I don’t know about these things going on, I don’t have to deal with it. This meeting is over.” Let me say something very bold and clear. If Jesus had avoided every ounce of conflict that came his way, you and I would not have a Savior!
3. The pastor is expected (this is non-verbal) to attend every wedding, birthday, memorial, church potluck, graduation, etc. at the expense of his marriage and time with kids. I’m speaking to the pastors on this one. The single loudest ‘sermon’ you can communicate to your church body will not occur on Sunday morning within a 30 minute window. It is embedded in how you set your priorities regarding your wife and kids. Think about it. In which environments do church members see you the most? Do they physically see you hug and kiss your spouse on Sundays, or Facebook about doing something fun with your kids? And let me make another clarification here. Attending a worship service with your family is NOT family-time if you (or they) have anything to do with the leadership of that service.
The church (lower-case ‘c’) is made up of brick, steel, paint, broken and hurting people, and a million opinions of what worship style is ‘godly’ and what the pastor should preach on next week. Imperfection shouldn’t be a surprise.
The Church (upper-case ‘C’) is the bride of Christ. It is the spiritual, Holy, and blessed life partner of Jesus. You and I………we’re a part of it!
So pray for the church leadership. Pray for your ministry calling. Most of all, do what is right above what is popular or non-abrasive.
Lastly, what are some things that you think would help retain pastors in the ministry? Comment below.